You don’t need to become an extrovert to enjoy the party

Your coat has disappeared beneath a pirate hat, the playlist is louder than promised, and someone in fabulous bat earrings has offered you a cookie. Going to a party alone can feel a little daunting at the door. Once you’re inside, though, a lovely evening often begins with something much smaller than a dazzling entrance.

Going to a party alone, without the entrance speech

First, find your host. A hug, a thank-you and a quick catch-up give the evening a familiar starting point. If you know almost nobody, mention it while you’re chatting. “Who should I meet?” is a perfectly reasonable question for the person who thought you’d enjoy being there.

Then there’s the deliciously ordinary business of getting settled. Find somewhere for your coat, pour a drink, admire the decorations. At a Halloween gathering, somebody has usually provided an excellent talking point. The enormous wings wedged in the doorway are practically introducing their owner for you.

An opening line can be as simple as an honest observation. “Those earrings are gorgeous” works beautifully when they are. So does asking how someone knows the host. You’ve started a conversation, which is all the first sentence needs to do. The witty anecdote can arrive later, if it feels like coming.

The person beside the snacks has a story

Perhaps the woman with the bat earrings tells you her sister made them. The first pair was so heavy she could barely turn her head. Before long, you’re discussing ambitious craft projects and the things we wear because someone we love made them. A compliment has found its own, rather wonderful subject.

There’s room for a little of your story, too. Mention the costume you nearly wore, or the friend who introduced you to the host. It gives the other person something to be curious about. You can put down the imaginary clipboard; this is a chat, and neither of you needs an impressive answer.

Of course, some exchanges will last thirty seconds. Someone smiles, answers and goes back to their friend. It can sting for a moment. But a noisy room, a long day or a conversation already underway offers plenty of possible explanations. There are other people to meet, and the cookie plate is still doing excellent work.

The best conversation might be happening in the kitchen

Every party seems to develop a smaller gathering somewhere. While the living room debates the playlist, the kitchen is discussing whether supermarket frosting has improved. Somebody has a surprisingly passionate opinion. Another guest moves a chair so you can reach the counter. Suddenly, there’s a very easy place to be.

A conversation with room for another opinion is a good place to linger. Listen for a moment, then join in with something about the subject. Maybe you know the bakery they’re praising. Perhaps your own attempt at decorated cookies deserves a sympathetic audience. The subject gives you both a starting point.

This is one of the pleasures of going to a party alone: you can follow your curiosity. You might spend ten minutes laughing in the kitchen, then wander over to admire someone’s costume. An unexpectedly good conversation belongs on any fall joy list, especially when you nearly stayed home.

Wear the outfit you can actually enjoy yourself in

The costume looked magnificent in the mirror. Now the sleeves are threatening the dip and sitting down requires a small negotiation. Halloween has a wonderful sense of theater, but your favorite boots and one outrageous accessory can be an equally happy combination. It’s much easier to listen when your feet have stopped complaining.

A familiar outfit can also feel reassuring in an unfamiliar room. There’s enough to take in without wondering whether your hem has moved. The lovely earrings, bright lipstick or borrowed cape can do the dressing-up while the rest of you gets on with enjoying the evening.

And if you fancy a quieter moment, take one. Fetch some water or look at the decorations in the hallway. A brief pause can simply be part of the evening. Later, the song you love might come on and tempt you back toward the living room. Enjoying a quiet chat hasn’t ruled out dancing!

A good goodbye doesn’t need an elaborate excuse

Perhaps you’ve had dessert, enjoyed a proper laugh and found out why your host owns a life-size skeleton. You’ve also started thinking rather fondly about your slippers. That sounds like an evening reaching its natural finish. Staying until the last glass is washed is a separate invitation, and usually a family privilege.

Thank your host for something you enjoyed. “I’m so glad I came. Those pumpkin cookies were incredible” carries plenty of warmth. Then collect your coat, check you have your things and head home as planned. Tomorrow won’t involve remembering which fictional early appointment you invented on the way out.

If you clicked with someone, tell them you enjoyed talking. You could mention the bookshop event you discussed, or exchange details if you both fancy staying in touch. Our piece on keeping friendships close beyond the group chat has more ideas for giving a good conversation a second outing.

The nicest part of going to a party alone

On the way home, you may remember the kitchen debate, the story behind those earrings or the person who laughed at exactly the same thing you did. Those are lovely things to bring back from an evening. There’s no guest list to work through afterward, checking whether you made the most of everyone.

Going to a party alone can leave you pleasantly surprised by what you enjoy. Perhaps you’re happiest with a few good conversations and an early goodbye. Another time, you might be the one asking for one more song. Either evening leaves plenty of room for the person you already are.